Participating in holiday events is like many other forms of human activity. It has the potential and sometimes the expectation of being a fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling time shared with friends and family. Most people can remember times when holiday events have been fun and meaningful and provided many good memories.

On the other hand, it can also leave people exhausted, emotionally spent, and disappointed. Sometimes the preparations for these gatherings can take a substantial amount of planning and effort. Many, if not most individuals and families function near the edge of their capacities in normal times. When the work of getting things ready for the holiday celebrations is added, many people can get overwhelmed. Further, with high expectations and increased family contact, life during this season can get quite stressful.

What are some ways for us to get through the holidays with a minimum of bruising and at least some pleasant memories? Here are some tips that may help:

• Find ways to decrease your expectations. Expectations about our celebrations, ourselves, and others can get way out of proportion. It is important to keep perspective. It may not be possible to have that heartfelt conversation with your sister that you planned to have, but you can appreciate the time you do get to spend together. It may be more fulfilling to change from the stance of wanting things to be "just right" to one where you can become grateful for any little thing that goes well.
• As much as possible maintain your regular habits. Under the stress of the holiday season, it is easy to eat less healthfully, sleep too little, and get out of your usual exercise routine. These are ways that help people manage their stress and are very important to maintain at these times. Keeping routines are even more crucial for children. It is not pleasant for the kids or the adults when children start whining or screaming.
• Make sure to take some time out. Too much "family closeness" without any breaks is not a recipe for family bliss. Design in some quiet or alone time in each day. This can take the form of taking a walk with your kids, volunteering to go to the store, or taking an hour alone at a hotel. However you can arrange to take a break from the group, it is one more way to keep your cool.
• Keep in mind that you can only control yourself. While it may seem a good time to help your brother to correct his annoying habits, this almost never serves to make a gathering more harmonious. As much as possible, resist the urge to criticize others. Keeping your own sense of humor and a caring attitude will contribute to your own well-being and that of others.
• Allow yourself to be supported. Often people have others in their life who might lighten their load, but end up "doing it on their own." Free yourself to call a friend for support or ask someone to share the work with you. You may be surprised how it helps both of you. Seek professional help from a therapist if needed.

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